Didn’t I tell you I was an expert in efficiency? Like, why wait for your laundry in a musty laundromat when you can do so from the comfort of your very own Camry? This environmentally friendly clothes washing and drying device easily clips onto the wheels of any motor vehicle and spins the barbecue sauce out of your t-shirt at RPM’s your old-school washing machine would give it’s delicate cycle for. Slap one on all four wheels and you’ve basically just started your own clothes washing business, not to mention made your car look a trillion times cooler.
Features:
- Simple and secure attachment
- Secure loading handle
- Very large load size
- Trimming available in chrome or other precious metals
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Take your clothes for a ride
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- Wash N’ Drive
- The CarWash
- The LaundroMobile
- SpinCyclers
I am an expert in efficiency. If I had to guess, I would say that my inventions have probably saved people around a billion cumulative hours. Take this invention, for example.
What is the first thing you do after blowing your nose? …Correct, you take a quick peek just to see what sort of mucous you’re dealing with. It’s only human to be curious. Well, wouldn’t it be a lot more efficient if your tissues were transparent? …Rhetorical question. The answer, of course, is “Holy shit. Why didn’t I think of that?”
Features:
- Very soft tissue that is completely transparent
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- The average person spends 4,876 hours of their lifetime looking at their mucus. Do you really want to be average?
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- Clearsues
- Invisalsues
- Snot a Secret
- Stained Tissue Windows
Since the discovery of chewing gum, people have been curiously drawn to resting it behind their ears during hiatuses from chewing. Why we do this, it turns out, is no coincidence. Recent studies have proven that this is the most practical place for storing unfinished gum, and that already initiated gum and the back of the human ear go together almost exactly like peas and carrots. Quite simply, this is a fact. If you disagree with any of the aforementioned, you are objectively incorrect.
It is in light of this new research that I have created an ear clip with a platform designed specifically for holding gum. In my expert opinion, it is entirely reasonable to expect that, within a decade, earrings will be a relic of the past.
Features:
- Ergonomic design
- Wide holding platform supporting up to two pieces of chewed Bubblicious
- Very wide variety of colors
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Are you really going to waste that perfectly good piece of gum? OMG, you are such a waster. It figures you wouldn’t care about the environment.
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- Gums-not-done
- Gumtooth
- Gumsavers
To sit at a party and command your pectoral muscles to bounce up and down to the beat of the music is just about the manliest/coolest thing that a guy could do. Men, all around the world, have spent countless dollars and hours busting their asses in the gym with this ultimate goal in mind. Until now, that is. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the Bouncing Boob Bra for Men! (Or perhaps it will be called something else.)
This battery operated, remote controlled bra is equipped with two powerful bounce packs hidden in the cups, enabling the wearer to bounce their pectoral muscles as they please. Jocks watch out - the nerd just got a whole lot cooler.
Features:
- Indiscreet battery packs
- Remote operated bouncing
- Very comfortable and natural looking
- Custom skin color option
- Six different settings to adjust bounce intensity and intervals, controlled by remote
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- “The end of gyms as we know it.” - Arnold S.
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- The Bouncing Boob Bra for Men
- The Lowrider
- The Bro’s Bra
- Wrestlemanibra 3000
Sun tanning is booorrrinnggg. Catch your rays on the go with these stylish sneaks equipped with a retractable solar reflecting shield.
Features:
- Retractable solar reflecting shield
- Very comfortable shoes
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Walking to work is the perfect time to tan the bottom portion of your face
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- Rays Famous Sneakers
- Tanboks
- Suntanverse All Stars
- Adidsuntanus
What was the scariest moment of your life? If you’re like most of the people on this planet, then it was that time you clogged the toilet at that really big high school party that you were lucky to have been invited to. Or maybe it was on your first date with the girl/boy of your dreams. Perhaps you were at work and “out-of-ordered” the only bathroom in the building. Regardless of the specific circumstance, the scariest moment of your life was that time you clogged the toilet when you really, really shouldn’t have.
Unfortunately, you can’t always control these things. The best you can do is always be prepared, and this invention was created to help you do that. These floating, disposable, flushable sheets are designed to fit inside of your toilet and have a “clean water” image printed on both of its sides. Simply lay this sheet over your unflushable mess, and you can confidently walk out of that bathroom an innocent user!
*Caution: The unsuspecting next person to use the toilet will almost certainly take the blame. Please use responsibly.
Features:
- Floats
- Flushable
- Toilet shaped to conceal all evidence of prior happenings
- Clean water design on both sides
- Portable packaging
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Get out of jail free, every time
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- Scapegoats
- Shaggys (It wasn’t me)
- Concealabowls
This toilet paper has an increased surface area, forming undulating “fingers” which, when used in a standard wiping manner, reach crevices your traditional TP could only dream of. Just like blowing your nose isn’t always the most effective method of cleaning your nostrils, sometimes your butt also needs an assist. Guaranteed to clean better in less number of wipes.
Features:
- Elevated cleaning “fingers”
- Still folds together nice and neat
Target company:
- Procter & Gamble (Charmin)
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Because you’re dirty if you don’t
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- A Thousand Little Fingers
- Speed Wipes
- Butt Picker Paper
This shovel features a full body indentation in its blade offering the user an easy way to gently scoot their bed-hogging partner from taking up the whole goddamn bed. Custom made shovel blades will be available. Finally, you can sleep soundly again.
Features:
- Gentle, yet strong blade to move persons up to several hundred pounds
- Option to customize body indentations for optimal scooting
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome):
- Dig yourself a good night’s sleep
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- The De-Snuggler
- HogThwarts
- The Place Putter
- The Toots Scoots
- The Scooter, but not the one with wheels
Society has fought for way too long to try and suppress the appropriateness of picking your nose. Let’s just face it already - this is a battle they will never win. Sometimes blowing your nose just doesn’t cut it, and if picking your nose is going to become a socially acceptable act, then we better have a socially acceptable way of getting rid of picked boogers. Flicking is reckless and simply uncivilized.
This invention provides people with a clean and easy way of aggregating and discarding wiped bits of booger. It is sort of like a combination between Post-it Notes and tissues. Once the tissue is sufficiently used, you simply rip it off to reveal a clean sheet beneath it. The adhesive back allows you to easily stick it under your desk or on your refrigerator. People aren’t going to stop picking their nose, so really, think about it.
Features
- Adhesive back
- Easy tear top to reveal new tissues
Target company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome)
- The underside of your desk’s new best friend
Potential names (submissions welcome):
- The Booger Board
- The Booger Bed
This invention is for underwear styled shorts. All the comfort of a nice pair of undies, and all the utility of a nice pair of shorts. The epitome of “the best of both worlds”.
Features:
- Classic “tighty whitie” style and stitching
- Elastic waistband
- Zipperless fly
- Regular side pockets
- Cargo pocket/s
Target Company:
Potential tagline (submissions welcome)
- Your one way ticket to cool
Potential names (submissions welcome):
